Marry Bill Gates daughter
Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : I will choose my own bride!
Father: But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.
Son : Well, in that case… ok!
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: I have a husband for your daughter.
Bill Gates: But my daughter is too young to marry!
Father: But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Ah, in that case… ok
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.
President: But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!
Father: But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.
President: Ah, in that case… ok!
Never Tap
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much. ”
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years
Missing Donkey
Having lost his donkey, Jimmy got down on his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked : “Your donkey is missing ; what are you thanking God for ?”
Jimmy replied : “I am thanking him for seeing to it that I was not riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too
Vacuum cleaner
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” He said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. “If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”
The old lady stepped back and said, “Well I hope you’ve got a darned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?
Winning the Lottery Joke
A man runs into his house and says to his wife, “honey- I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!”
His wife replies, “Pack my bags? For the beach or for the mountains?”
The husband says, “I don’t care! Pack your bags and get the hell outta my house!”
strength vs brain
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right, Dumb Ass, get in.”